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Anger in Children Step 2

“We have been reading to our child and he still throws temper tantrums”

Do not give up this is all part of a long term process.

Here is part 2 of the 3-step program.

Step 2: Talk

Whenever you feel a certain emotion coming on while your child is with you let him know about it. For instance, “Mommy is feeling mad right now because you were not helpful by throwing your toys all over the room.” He needs to learn how to distinguish between the different emotions so it is very important for your body language to match what you are saying. Children are like little sponges and take in everything you are telling them as well as everything they are seeing.

When your child is throwing toys around or is biting it is helpful to go over to your child without getting excited or with anger in your body language. Don’t yell at him from a distance or get loud. At this point he is feeling something and did not know how to express it with anything other than throwing his toys or biting. Your child needs to be taught how to control his emotions and to express them in a way that is more acceptable. Bend down on your knees right in front of your child so that you are on his level, it is less intimidating for him. Take him by the shoulder and make eye contact. Ask him if he threw the toys around or bit you because he was not happy with what you said or did. He might answer yes; you’ll be surprised at how children react. At this point your child will be calmer and you can have a conversation with him. This will be the ideal time to coach your child on how to control his anger.

Explain to him that when he feels angry he should tell you about it instead of throwing toys around because you don’t understand what he means or wants when he throws his toys or bites you. It might not work the first time but don't lose faith - consistency is key.

By constantly talking to your child about emotions you have won half the battle with your child and how to express their emotions.

Next week we will look at the final step of the 3-step program.

Anger in Children

When children reach the age where they begin to talk they become more aware of how their behavior can affect parents . Your child is beginning to learn about feelings. Even though they don’t know exactly what feelings are yet and how to express them.

As a baby they had one basic means of communication to get what they wanted. I am tired, I cry. I am hungry, I cry. I need my diaper changed, I cry. Once they reach an age where they can talk they have to learn about their emotions and what words to use to express those emotions. That is when frustration kicks in. This is the point when most parents think their child has behavioral problems. The child is really just trying to express himself with the tools that he has. Even adults have a hard time using their words when they get angry sometimes. We get frustrated and want to express how we feel but don’t know how to go about it. If only we had a coach to tell us how we should do it.

One thing to keep in mind is that each child is unique and no single method of communication is going to work universally. Every child’s personality and situation has to be evaluated and understood in order to effectively support their newfound communication skills.


Here is a simple 3-step plan on how to start this process with your child:

Step 1: Read

Read books to them about feelings. I am going to include a list of books here that you can read to your child which will be the first stepping stone in overcoming this frustrating time in your child’s growth process.

Books about feelings:
Judy Moody (Judy Moody Series #1)
Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi (Board Book)
I Was So Mad (REVISED) by Mercer Mayer
What's Wrong, Little Pookie? by Sandra Boynton
Mean Soup (1) by Betsy Everitt
What Are You So Grumpy About? (Reprint) by Tom Lichtenheld
That Makes Me Mad! by Steven Kroll
No Hitting!: A Lift-the-Flap Book (LIFTFLAP) by Karen Katz
Harriet, You'll Drive Me Wild! (Reprint) by Mem Fox
Grumpy Bird by Jeremy Tankard

I am the proud sister of a deaf brother.

How many of us would love to have grown up with a human being, aside from our parents who would teach us lessons about life and show us how to make better decisions and choices for ourselves? I was lucky enough to have had that opportunity at a very young age. When I was four years old my brother was born.

On February 27th, 1986 my whole world as I knew it changed. I remember my aunt coming over to me where I was playing with my cousins to give me the news that I have a new baby brother. I was so excited because I was going to be a big sister. I did not pay attention to her when she tried to explain to me that my new baby brother was very sick and that I might not be able to see him for a while. All I cared about was that I had my very own brother that I could run around with and brag about to my friends at pre-school.

When I finally went to the hospital where my brother was, I ran right through the natal care unit up to his incubator. I tapped on the window and he looked my way. If my chest was able to swell it would have ripped my shirt. I could not stop staring at him. He was so small; it was only when I took a closer look that I realized something was not right.

I looked around the room for my mom’s guidance and security and I saw them talking with a doctor. My mom did not look very happy. She had a sad look on her face as she came over to me. The otherwise happy moment turned out to be not so happy after all. I was not really allowed in the room and had to leave. I did not quite understand what was going on but I left and that was when reality really started to hit me from all different angles.

The next 14 years turned out to be quite the experience for me. My brother was born with a syndrome called Langer-Giedion. It is a very rare bone disease that causes abnormalities in bone formation.

I am glad to say that after the doctors’ not giving him a day to live he celebrated his 24th birthday this year and he is still going strong.

On his 18th Birthday, which was a big milestone for people with his syndrome, I wrote him this poem:

Time goes by so quickly little brother,

“They” did not even give you a day,

What did it, was all who prayed,

Still, you stayed.

As I saw you in bed

I knocked on your window,

You turned your head.

I told mom you heard me,

She said it was true,

The smells of the hospitals became all too familiar

Knew the nurses by name,

Because to you they always came.

No one could stop you,

You were fighting like mad,

I knew why you did that,

Because I needed you bad.

The doctors did not even give you a chance

But you showed them and in the end all we did was dance.

In your silent world you fought,

With a voice that was mightier than sound.

Times were very hard for me,

But you were never far apart from me.

You taught me to fight even though other’s thought they were right

I know we had to live apart

But you were and always will be close to my heart.

In the past 24 years I have learned so many things about life from my brother that I was able to apply to my own life. I have acquired skills that I would not have had if it was not for him. I have used these skills to help children from all walks of life learn to set and achieve goals. In short, I try to be the person my brother was for me when I work with children.

Some helpful information about the syndrome:
http://www.healthline.com/galecontent/langer-giedion-syndrome